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User blog:Wachowman/Wiki Tales: Borderlands ep5 (Annoyance)
Last Time on Wiki Tales TK: well, Legionston doesn't have Crozon Devices. Steeler: why the fuck not? TK: like I said before, it's a rare material. Joe: Then who does? TK: the only place I can think of that does is Iron Wrath. Wonder: It seems Wachow hates Crozon, we know you have Crozon. CW: indeed I do. Wonder: well, of you give some to us, we may be able to take down one of the deadliest fuckers on Pandora. CW: take down Wachow eh? CW: there's a town not to far from here, Iron Class, made by a scumbag named CE, not many people live there, but CE has something I want. Steeler: what is it? CW: a Puppet Flute. Steeler: well, we're here now. (Screen shows the group in front of Iron Class) (The screen goes black as Tigers voice is heard) Tiger: let's just get this over with. This Time (Screen shows the group at the Iron Class gates) (ROB is placing explosions at the gate) Joe: I can't believe no one in this town came to check on the gunshots. Tiger: I doubt they care. Steeler: let's hurry this up, I'm ready to not run out of ammo. Joe: I feel like you're gunna kill us all with that thing. Wonder: why couldn't you get a normal gun. Steeler: this gun is as normal as it gets. Tiger: you're highly wrong but, who am I to judge. ROB: the e-explosives are placed! (The group gets a distance away from the explosives) Steeler: couldn't we have just jumped over? ROB: this is m-much more f-fun! (ROBs hand turns into a button) ROB: explosion in 3. Wonder:... ROB: 2. Joe:... ROB: 1. Steeler:... ROB: here we go! (ROB presses the button as a giant explosion occurs at the gate) Joe: *is knocked to the ground* gah! Fuck! (Screen shows a pile of smoke in front of Iron Class) Tiger: ROB. (ROBs stomach opens as he starts to vacuum in the smoke) ROB: one m-moment please. (The smoke starts to go inside of ROB as Iron Class can now be seen) Joe:...wow. Steeler: uh... Wonder: was that supposed to happen? (Screen shows half of the whole town is destroyed) ROB: Nope! Tiger: makes life...sorta easier I guess. Wonder: let's just go. (The group starts to run through Iron Class) (Screen shows a Man meditating in a dark room) (3 Bandits enter the room) Bandit 1: Puppet Master CE there seems to be intruders. CE: then kill them. Bandit 2: half of the town is destroyed. CE: then kill them. Bandit 2: they have already killed many of our men due to the explosion. CE: then kill them! Bandit 1: sir, you aren't listeni- (A shard of glass flies into the Badits neck) Bandit 1: a-ack-gah. (The Bandit falls to the ground) CE:... Bandit 3: holy shit. Bandit 2:...ok, I'll do it calmer...Master CE, there are- (Another shard of glass flies into the Bandits neck) Bandit 2: n-ack-no. (The Bandit falls to the ground) CE:...then kill them...ok Randy? Randy: y-yessir! (Randy leaves as CE is alone in the room) CE:...they're all gunna die. (Screen shows Tiger surrounded by 3 Men) Lachowman: You can't beat the mighty Lachowman! I'll rip you to shreds! LACHOWMAN! HE'LL RIP YOU TO SHREDS Oachowman: And I, Oachowman, will eat the shreds that he rips you into! OACHOWMAN! HE WILL EAT YOUR SHREDS Tachowman: And then there me! Tachowman! I'll eat Oachowman after he eats you! TACHOWMAN! HE'LL EAT YOUR EATER Lachowman: let's get him boys! Tiger: enough of this. (Tiger aims his Triple-gun at the Bandits) Tiger: says cheese. (Tiger pulls the trigger as a pistol bullet, a shotgun bullet, and an automatic bullet fly out) Tachowman: aha-*gets shots by the pistol* Oachowman: brin-*gets shot by the shotgun* Lachowman: *gets shot by the automatic* (The 3 Bandits fall to the ground at the same time) Tiger: there we go...Wonder you good over there? (Wonder is aiming his gun at a defenseless Bandit) Eachowman: no, no please, you can't kill the great Eachowman. EACHOWMAN! ABOUT TO DIE Wonder: yes I can. *pulls his trigger* (Eachowman falls to the ground) Tiger: nice, now where's Joe? Joe: uh...guys? (Screen shows 2 Bandits trying to bring Joe to the ground) Joe:...they're trying to force me to the ground, it's not working so well for them. Yachowman: arg, I'll show you! *tries to kick Joe but misses* YACHOWMAN! CANT KICK Rachowman: and you think I won't do it, you're crazy. *grabs on to Joes leg but is then kicked off* RACHOWMAN! CANT GRAB Joe: they're like fucking cats. Tiger: I hate cats. Wonder: that's ironic. Tiger: why? Wonder: cause your names Ti-eh nevermind. Joe: do we even kill these guys? There no actual threat. Wonder: eh, just do it. Joe: alright. Tiger: I got it. (Tiger shoots both the Bandits in the head with his Pistol Barrel) Wonder: good shot. Tiger: thanks. Joe: now, where's Steeler and ROB? Bandit 1: you won't escape! Wonder: hm? (Screen shows multiple Bandits in front of Steeler and ROB) Uachowman: The great Uachowman cannot be beaten! Dachowman: Neither can the great Dachowman! Pachowman: or Pachowman! Nachowman: or Nachowman! Sachowman: Sachowman can't be defeated either! Wahcowman: neither can Wahcowman! UACHOWMAN, DACHOWMAN, PACHOWMAN, NACHOWMAN, SACHOWMAN AND WAHCOWMAN! DAMMIT CE Steeler: ready ROB? ROB: r-ready! (Steeler pulls out his Minigun and ROBs hand turns into a Minigun) Dachowman: oh shit. (Steeler and ROB fire into the group of Bandits) Steeler: Ahhhhhhh! ROB: Ahhhh-ahhhh! (Bullets are seen flying through the Bandits) Steeler: ahhhhhhh-I fucking love this thing! (Steeler and ROB stop shooting as the screen shows all the Bandits dead) Steeler: hell yeah! ROB: by my calculations, that should be all of them, and I only say that because we already killed half of them with the explosion. Wonder: great, now let's go. ROB: yes, let's g-g-g-o-o-o-o-o-o. Joe: ROB? You ok? ROB: *transforms into a car* I-I-I-I. Steeler: ROB, What's happening? ROB: *transforms into a dumpster* H-h-h-h-h-e-e. Tiger: shit! ROB: *transforms back to normal* I-I-I-I-I-I-I n-n-eed h-e-e-elp. Tiger: he's being controlled! Steeler: what? Joe: by who? Wonder: CE has the Puppet Flute! Tiger: ROB, fold up! (ROB turns into a cube and falls to the ground) Joe: did that help? (Tiger picks up ROB from the ground and puts him in his pocket) Tiger: looks like it. Wonder: let's keep going. Joe: I'm guessing CE is in here. (Screen shows a building with a giant "CE" on it) Steeler: wow, that's being full of yourself. Wonder: we need to be careful, CE seems dangerous. Steeler: no shit. (Randy runs out of the building) Randy:...uh...uh... Steeler:...yo. Randy: I'm just...gunna go. Wonder: good choice kid. (Randy runs past the group to the outside) Joe: if only they were all that smart. Wonder: alright, let's get inside. (The group walks inside the building) Joe:... Tiger:... Wonder:.... Steeler:...wow. (Screen shows the walls covered in pictures of CE naked) Joe: I...I feel sick. Wonder: there's an elevator...let's go up that. Steeler: wow...his dick is big. Tiger: shut up Steeler. Steeler: what? Being honest. (Joe presses the elevator button) Joe: I'm sorta scared to see the elevator. Steeler: *looks closer at a picture* I swear, his dick is in 3-D. Tiger: I don't need to know this. Wonder: Steeler do you need to tell us something? Joe: ironic. Steeler: *touches the picture*...what the fuck? (Steelers finger goes through the picture) Steeler: it's hollow. (An alarm starts to go off) Tiger: dammit Steeler! Joe: what'd you press?! Steeler: just the tip! (2 cans are dropped into the room) Tiger: shit! Joe: get out o- (The cans explode releasing a purple gas) Tiger: don't breathe! Wonder: men run! Joe: I-I...can't. *collapses* Tiger: it's...too...much. *collapses* Steeler: I only...touched...the tip. *collapses* Wonder:...men...*collapses* (The screen goes black) (Screen shows the users in a room full of hundreds of Mirrors) Joe: *wakes up* uhg-uh...w-where are we? Wonder: *wakes up* what happened. Tiger: we were fucking gassed. Joe: what? By who? CE: oh don't be silly. (Screen shows a man in one of the mirrors) Steeler: CE! (CE switches from one mirror to another) CE: I know why you're all here, it's for my precious Puppet Flute, that bastard CW thinks he can have everything, but too bad! (CE switches to another mirror) CE: I'll show him, oh yes, he'll be delighted to see you all again, beheaded! Steeler: I hope everyone's awake. (Steeler shoots the mirror CE is in) CE: ahahahaha, cute. (CE appears in all the mirrors in the room) CE: let me show you how to fight with Class! CE! THE PUPPET MASTER CE: take this! (A mirror breaks into pieces and the shards fly at the users) Steeler: shit! (The shards of glass give the users cuts) Steeler: *gets cut in the face* fuck! Joe: *gets cut in the arm* god dammit! Wonder: how do we fight this guy?! CE: a little more? (5 more mirror breaks as the shards float in the air) CE:...bye bye. (The shards fly towards the users) Tiger: take cover! Joe: there is no cover! Wonder: shit! (The shards are about to hit the users) Steeler: *braces self* Tiger: *closes eyes*...what? (A large Metal sheet is seen in front of the group as it blocks the shards) Tiger: ROB! ROB: n-n-n-not a scratch-ch. CE: ah, so you came out I see. Tiger: ROB, fold back up! CE: too late for that. (CE pulls out the Puppet Flute) Joe: no! Wonder: the Puppet Flute! (CE starts to play the Puppet Flute) ROB: P-p-p-p-p-p-p-l-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9. Tiger: ROB! Fold up! C'mon! ROB: 8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8. Joe: is he counting down? Wonder: that can't be good. Steeler: fuck! I'm stopping this! (Steeler pulls out his Minigun) Steeler: take this Classhole! (Steeler starts to shoot the mirrors) CE: ahahahaha...that's cute. (A shard of glass flies into Steelers shoulder) Steeler: ahg! Wonder: he have to stop these shards of glass! Joe: they're pretty big, I think I can shoot them. ROB: 5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5. Wonder: what happens when he hits 0?! Tiger: I don't know! ROB: 4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4. Tiger: ROB! ROB! (A shard of glass hits Tiger in the back) Tiger: Ahh! Fuck! (Tiger falls to the ground) ROB: 3-3-3-3-3-3-...Ti-3-3-3-3-3-ger. Joe: he spoke! *shoots a shard of glass* Tiger: ROB! What is it?! ROB:...*turns towards the Mirror CE is in* CE: what? How are you resisting? No full Robot can resist my Puppet Flute. Tiger:...wait...He isn't full Robot...he has the mind of a human. Joe: what do you mean? Tiger:...ROBs mind is that of an old friend of mine, Jagaur, he died and I was able to put his DNA into ROB...but he didn't remember anything. Steeler: we never knew this? Tiger: ROB never knew this, he has no memory and it was useless to try and make him remember. ROB: I remember now...Tiger. Tiger: what? ROB: *turns his stomach into a Vacuum* it seems CE trying to take control of me altered my data. CE: stop! Attack your creator! ROB: and I'm thankful for what you did. Tiger: J-Jagaur. ROB: but I can't hold this in much longer. (ROB starts to suck in with his Vacuum) CE: w-why can't I move! (The mirror CE is in gets sucked onto ROBs body) ROB: and this shall be my final act. (ROB reaches into the Mirror and pulls the Puppet Flute out) CE: how are you doing this?! Tiger: Jag! Steeler: he got the flute! (ROB gives Tiger the Puppet Flute) ROB: now run. Joe: wait, we have the puppet flute, you're fine now right? ROB:...no, the one you knew as ROB is gone...and I cannot hold this body for much longer, I wasn't made to be a Robot. Tiger: no... ROB: please, leave before I...or ROB...self destructs. CE: you can't beat me! Stop! Tiger: No! RO-er-Jag, I can't leave you. ROB:...3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3. (A bunch of CE's mirrors start to break) (One of CE's mirrors break to show a Window behind it) Wonder: *sees the Window* Tiger, we have to go! Joe: shit, how high are we?! Wonder: it's the only option! (Wonder, Steeler and Joe break the window open) (Screen shows the group is only 3 stories high) Wonder: we can survive it...I think. Joe: Tiger! C'mon! ROB: 2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2. Tiger:... (Tiger opens ROBs back and takes something out) Tiger: I'm coming! (Joe and Steeler jump out the Window) Wonder: Tige- (Wonder is cut off by Tiger jumping out the window) ROB: 1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1. Wonder:...good bye ROB... (Wonder jumps out the Window) CE: No! Let me go! ROB: 0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0...good bye friends...good bye Tiger. (ROB self destructs as the whole room in engulfed in blaze) (Screen shows the group at the ground look up at the explosion) Tiger:...ROB...Jagaur... Wonder:...I'm sorry Tiger. (Movement under some rubble is seen) (Nachowman pops up from under some rubble) Nachowman: I'm back bitches! NACHOWMAN IS BACK! FOR A FEW SECONDS Nachowman: now who dies fi- (Nachowman is shot in the head by Joe) Joe: not the time... Steeler: so guys...I guess we head back. Wonder:...I guess so... Tiger: *looking at a piece of metal he grabbed from ROB*...*tightens his grip on the object* (The screen goes black) Next Time on Wiki Tales Tiger: I'm not going back to Iron Wrath until I get ROB back! Wonder: how do you expect to get him back? Tiger: *holds up the object* Man 1: Tiger? It is you, how's it been. Tiger: I need to see your building supplies. Man 1: woah woah, easy now, what's the hurry. Tiger: I'm bringing back family. Joe: so your whole story was a lie? Tiger:... Joe:...everything you told us was a lie, wow, ok, is your name actually Tiger? Man 1: I get it, you wanna bring back ROB...I don't know if I have the materials for it. Steeler: *looks at his ECHO and sees TK* TK: where the fuck are you guys?! Category:Blog posts